Not A Cakewalk

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There has been so much going on lately, that I finally feel like I can sit down and type through what I have been feeling and it’s not all good things. Read the rest of this entry »


All These Thoughts Tho…

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I recently visited a good friend of mine in Colorado who was getting married. Phil was working so I went by myself and let me tell you I felt like a baby whose blankie had been taken away. I talked about Phil so much that I’m sure everyone felt they knew him personally. By the time I left though I felt more self-confident and beautiful then I had in a really long time. Read the rest of this entry »

Feeling Rusty

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I know I haven’t posted anything in a long time. A LONG time. I’ve been dedicating most of my blog writing to WaB, and I just haven’t found a lot of personal things to say.

Honestly these past 10 months have been hard. Phil and I are stationed in South Korea (although we’re back in the States right now for an Army class -his class, not mine-) and it has been one of the most isolating seasons of my life.

I’ve gone over several ideas for a community outreach project. Something that involves me giving back a little of my time. Something small, you know. Like buying a stranger coffee, and listening to them talk for an hour. Something like Humans of New York. But the farther into the idea I get, I feel like the more discouraged I get. And I don’t think I struggle with depression as a whole, but I’ve seriously doubted that a few times in the past year.

Complacency, apathy, and just a lot of self-pity too.

I’ve applied for a job, and although the hiring process is taking an extremely long time. I think it’s really going to help with everything. I think it’ll help me feel more involved and like I’m still an independent person.

Anyway, this post isn’t really anything other than something to help me get back on my writers’ feet. Make those words easier to find. You know?

Life of a Christian in an Adult World

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“Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father in haven, which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
-Mathew 18:18-20”

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How He (Still) Loves Us So.

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Do you remember coming home after church camp in those high school summers and feeling such an insatiable drive and hunger for God? Jeremy Riddle and David Crowder would hang on your speakers for weeks and Wednesday night youth group was the most exciting night of the week. Read the rest of this entry »

Monday, Monday

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It’s almost 9 on Monday morning and the house is a complete wreck.
Almost every room needs attention, and yet I’m finding all I really want to do is sit on our brand-spanking new couches, drink my way-too-strong coffee, and write a blog about something… I don’t really know yet.

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Things That You Realize When You’re Not Looking For Anything.

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“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”
-Psalm 91:2

I was reading this passage earlier and it really challenged me and I thought I’d share my personal thoughts.

I think trusting God can sometimes get a little blurry as to what it actually entails, what it means on a daily basis, and maybe how it has gotten misconstrued. I mean I know for me personally, that I don’t always FEEL like doing what I should, or what I know I need to, or maybe even what God has asked me to… but I don’t usually look at those types of situations as not trusting God. It’s usually a matter of free will, right?

A friend of mine and I were taking a walk and talking about married life and life with kids (she and her husband have an incredible baby girl), and how it can be challenging to adapt to the life of trusting someone else’s input – especially the times you might disagree with it.

Growing up as an independent woman with a good sense of herself (whatever that means, right?), and a pretty good head on her shoulders, learning to adjust to having another human as such a major part of my life, my decision making and my future, well it can seem kind of daunting.
I’ve struggled with a lot of perfectionism and feeling like my identity and all that I am rests on whether or not I answer “it” right, especially in my relationship with God. Trusting God when you’re single versus when you’re married has to be one of the most incomparable things in life. Now maybe to all you ladies who have been married for over a year, bear with me because I’m only learning and maybe the secret is right around the corner. The decisions I made when I was single affected (for the most part) only myself. Obviously they affected SOME other people, but you know what I mean? All you had to do was look out for numero uno. Make sure that you stayed out of sin and rough situations based on your own actions alone.

But marriage. That’s my heart AND his heart. THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER HEART!

It’s a weird place to be. Because honestly, loving my husband is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. He is compassionate, he’s empathetic, he’s kind, he is by far the funniest person I’ve ever known, not to mention his good looks cause I could go on all day about those… no he has never been a difficult person to be in love with. He’s always the first one to repent, he always wants peace in our home, he stands up for me and defends my honor, and always keeps me safe. I mean…heh, I definitely scored.

And then there are the moments when I disagree with one of his decisions, and I have to decide in my heart, whether to trust him or not. And those moments can honestly be the most difficult. Because I’m not just choosing to trust him, but I’m also choosing to trust God. Let’s face it, Phil isn’t always right, but God gave him to me as my covering, to follow him and honor him with my trust. And theoretically if your husband loves God and is pursuing a relationship with Him then his decisions will in turn reflect more of God, which is of course, always right.

Now this goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway, if you’re in an abusive or ungodly relationship, and your spouse’s decisions are causing harm to you or your family (in any sense), there are different verses for that. And God by no means endorses women (or men) to be victims. So if that is your situation, please have the courage to change it.

With that being said, that is not my case at all. And I suppose what I’m trying to get at is, although he might make the wrong choice and fail, knowing that he’ll be loved and trusted anyway, makes a world of difference. And me choosing to accept the fact that I am not the leader of my home, and though contrary to occasional belief, I DON’T actually know everything, maybe it will make those moments easier to tackle.